


Fight Me?

by Srakatsz



Series: Fight Me? [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Human, Aziraphale is a Nurse, Crowley is the patient, Fluff, Gabriel is a doctor, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), I know nothing about hospital dynamics let alone british ones, M/M, Newt is a Nurse, One Shot, Other, They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), Unprofessional Flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24281263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Srakatsz/pseuds/Srakatsz
Summary: “I said, if you want to come in here, you have to fight me, Lizard Boy!” Crowley’s muffled voice came from deep within the fort. Ezra covered his mouth to avoid laughing.“Maybe later, dear.”His patient’s head poked comically out from the bottom of the pile.“Angel!” Crowley smiled a little manically, “Do you want to come into my fort? You have to fight me first though.”---During his shift in A&E, Ezra is unexpectedly charmed by a patient.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Fight Me? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761655
Comments: 45
Kudos: 213





	Fight Me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi folks! I'm on a writing streak so here I am. This one is based on a Tumblr post that I am including below. I know nothing about how hospitals work especially not British ones so sorry about any inaccuracies! Thanks to my spouse for being my beta <3
> 
> (I obviously do not own Good Omens or it's characters.) 
> 
> Please Enjoy!

“Ana-”

“Nope.”

“Ana, I don’t need to be here. Really.”

“Crowley, you have a concussion.”

“No, I don’t. And even if I did, I don’t need to be in the bloody A&E.” Anathema sighed and shifted her position in the uncomfortable waiting room chair.

“This isn’t up for discussion, Crowley. I would give you a lot more credit if you didn’t do this to yourself.”

Crowley tentatively pressed a finger against the sore spot on the back of his head and hissed at the throbbing pain.

“It’s the kid's fault for daring to imply he was better than me at climbing trees.”

“Crow-”

“Fine!” Crowley snapped, “If you want someone to nag, go yell at the blasted pigeons outside. They actually deserve it.”

Anathema pursed her lips and waited in silence. Crowley, properly cowed, sighed and put his head down gingerly into his hands.

“I’m sorry, Ana. Just stop looking at me like that. I can’t take it while I’m dizzy.”

Anathema smirked at him and pushed her glasses further up her nose from their patented glaring position.

“You can’t take it on a good day.”

“Ngk...shut up.”

“Anthony Crowley?” Anathema stood first at the nurses call and made sure Crowley was steady before striding confidently over to the nervous man with the clipboard.

\--

“E-ezra?” The nurse looked up from the chart laying on the nurse’s station.

“What can I do for you, dear boy?” Newton was a lovely person and usually a good nurse if he wasn’t too nervous.

“W-well, Dr. Archer is on shift today and um...the pulse ox wasn’t working again when I tried to take vitals for the patient in room 3 and Dr.Archer is definitelygoingtoyellatme.”

Ezra blinked. Ah. Hospital equipment often malfunctioned when the young nurse was in and no one could quite figure out why. Most of the staff were forgiving but Dr. Archer could be um….strict, when the mood struck. The older nurse smiled tiredly at Newt and patted his shoulder.

“Well. No harm in switching patients, yes? You can take room 9 and I’ll let Tracy know.” Newt visibly relaxed and he looked less pale already.

“Thank you. You really are a lifesaver.” A heavy hand landed on Newt’s shoulder and the younger nurse had to cover his own mouth to stop himself from screaming.

“Well, nurse, saving lives is what we do isn’t it! Haha!” Dr. Archer grinned down at the two nurses, showing far too many unnaturally white teeth. “So, Nurse Fell over here is taking over the concussion in room 3, eh?”

Ezra grimaced and tried not to show it. It never got any easier around Gabriel Archer. Dehumanizing the patients like that, it just wasn’t right.

“Ah, yes. I agreed to take the **patient with the concussion in room 3** , as young Newton is getting more experience this way.” Dr. Archer’s grinned widened if that was even possible.

“Good, good. Now go take vitals, k? Thanks, Champ.” As the doctor strode away, Newt nodded at the older nurse and, to his credit, only moderately shook as he went on his way.

Ezra sighed and, unable to not do what he’s told, made the patient in room 3 a priority.

\--

Crowley threw an arm over his eyes and wished fervently that this whole night was over. Ana was buried deep in her book and would probably whack him if he whined again so that was out. At least the bed was moderately comfortable despite the cold air and the stupid gown.

His sulking was interrupted with a soft knock on the wall outside the curtain blocking the room from the rest of the A&E.

A head of blonde curls popped around the edge of the curtain. Seeing both Crowley and Anathema look his way, the man smiled and opened the curtain, dragging a computer on a little cart behind him.

“Hello! I’m Ezra and I’ll be your nurse this evening! Anthony, yes?”

Crowley dropped his arm and looked up at him. The lights above the bed made the nurse’s tangle of curls glow in a halo around his head. His smile and gentle blue eyes put Crowley at ease immediately. Ah Hell, his nurse was an angel.  
Wait.

“An angel! I knew it. I’m dead. Though if you’re here that means I’m in Heaven. Gotta say I’m surprised. I for sure thought I’d end up Downstairs,” He drawled, gesturing lazily in the appropriate directions.

The angel blinked and looked at Anathema in alarm.

“Oh dear, is he experiencing confusion? A bit ‘out of it’ perhaps?”

Anathema smirked and crossed her arms.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Crowley frowned over at her.

“Hey, I don’t like what you’re implying! Look, Angel, I’m fine. My head hurts a bit and I’m a tad dizzy but nothing a good nap can’t fix.”

Nurse Angel shined his spotlight-smile at him again. Crowley definitely did not blush. Those god-forsaken wrinkles at the corners of the angel’s eyes were going to put him into an early grave.

“Well, my dear, we will have that taken care of here regardless. I will just take your temperature and blood pressure before I send in Dr. Archer.”

As the nurse did just that, Crowley tried not to get any redder at the gentle ministrations nor did he look in Ana’s general direction. She had to be mocking him. He knew he would never hear the end of this.

After typing the measurements into the computer, Nurse Angel left with a cheerful wave.

Ana giggled at Crowley’s most-likely-stupid-looking face as he watched the curtain close.

He gave her the two-finger salute. She just laughed harder.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

\--

Ezra massaged his temples after Dr. Archer just snapped his fingers in the direction of room 3 and expected him to just know what he wanted. He had no choice, however. What Gabriel wanted, Gabriel got.

At least the patient in room 3 wasn’t so hard on the eyes. Not at all. With the practically golden eyes and auburn hair splayed across the pillow. That jawline and the wicked grin as he called Ezra ‘angel’…. Truly sinful as it were.

The nurse blushed and shook himself. Well. He’d had handsome patients before. Being tired and a bit lonely was no excuse to be unprofessional. Quickly checking the chart for Gabriel’s notes, he set off to do his job.

Knocking once again, Ezra entered quietly, very aware that loud noises would just make it worse.

“Hello again, Anthony. I-”

“It’s Crowley actually. I. I don’t really go by my first name.” His patient peaked out from the cover of his forearm sheepishly. Ezra smiled softly at him and took a shot in the dark.

“Very well, Crowley. Pronouns?” His patient removed his arm entirely in shock. Ezra watched, captivated, as a grin spread across Crowley’s face. Beautiful.

“He/him today, Angel. Thanks.”

“Any time.” _Ah, ah back to work Ezra._ “Now! Let’s take those vitals again and-” he moved gently, apologetically. “-It looks like you have a concussion and Dr. Archer wants to observe you overnight.”

Crowley groaned, closing his eyes as he rubbed at his head.

“Bloody perfect.”

“I’m sorry you have to be here, Crowley. I know it’s not pleasant but I’ll try my best to make you more comfortable. I’ll get you some extra pillows, yes?” Crowley slid his eyes back open and smiled at the angel’s fretting.

“Sounds good, Ezra.” The nurse cleared his throat and tried not to react to the sound of his name falling from his patients lips but fidgeted with his own fingers anyway.

“Ahem. Yes. Well. Jolly good,” embarrassed, he rushed to do as promised. “So, um, where did that charming young lady with you go?” Crowley closed his eyes as Ezra fiddled with the blood pressure cuff.

“Oh Ana? She had to go. She goes to uni and has a class tomorrow.” Ezra frowned.

“Ah. Can’t be helped I suppose. Is this Ana your...girlfriend?” Crowley let out a cackle before groaning in pain at the throb in his head.

“Oh hell no. She’s just a friend, Angel. We would kill each other if we went out.” Ezra pretended he wasn’t happy to hear that.

“Ah well. I’m sorry you’re here alone regardless. I will get you those pillows and please do let me know if you need absolutely anything. My shift is ending soon but I promise you’ll be taken care of.”

Crowley pouted at him. Ezra determinedly did not look at it or how cute it was.

“Oh don’t look like that, dear boy. I will be right back.”

He swiftly exits to fulfill his promise. He is a professional, he will finish his shift, and he will not bow to cute pouts.

\--

The next morning, Ezra was in a good mood. He just started a lovely book that he hoped to continue during his lunch. He’d also gotten here early enough that he would get to see Crowley again before he was discharged but he tried not to think about why he was excited for that.

Just as he clocked in, Newt rushed in looking a tad more terrified than the norm.

“Oh, thank god. Ezra. You know your patient from last night? Room 3?”

“Crowley?” The older nurse was a little worried now. Had something happened?

“W-well you see. He, um. Hissed at me.”

What.

“I beg your pardon? He hissed at you?” Newt looked frantic.

“Well he built a pillow fort on his bed and when I asked him to take it down he...hissed at me.”

“Ah.” Ezra had no idea what to do with that information.

“Could you talk to him? Please?” Ezra patted the anxious thing on his arm.

“Of course, my boy. I will take care of Mr. Crowley until he’s discharged.” Newt looked at him like he was his Lord and savior and rushed to his duties.

To Crowley’s room it was.

\--

Walking into the dim hospital room, Ezra could see that Newton was correct on all counts. The pillow fort was impressive given what little Crowley had to work with. It was more like a pile of pillows and blankets that lay on top of his patient but tip top craftsmanship regardless.

“I said, if you want to come in here, you have to fight me, Lizard Boy!” Crowley’s muffled voice came from deep within the fort. Ezra covered his mouth to avoid laughing.

“Maybe later, dear.”

His patient’s head poked comically out from the bottom of the pile.

“Angel!” Crowley smiled a little manically, “Do you want to come into my fort? You have to fight me first though.”

Ezra shook his head and giggled at his patient's disappointment.

“I’m sorry to say that I have to take your lovely fort down, my dear. Oh! And pronouns today?”

Crowley whined and went back into the fort.

“Noooooo. It's darker in here. Helps my head. And they/them today, Angel.”

Ezra smiled, charmed once again. Adorable.

“Well I am sorry about that. How about I get a face mask and a softer blanket, hm? It’s much safer and then I can talk to you much easier.”

There was grumbling from within the fort for a moment.

“Only for you, Angel.” Success.

“Thank you. Now, I’ll take the pillows and then get you comfortable. I know you can’t sleep but we’ll make sure you get a bit more rest before being discharged.

“Cool. Oh and if you could get me some real coffee, I think that would be a real miracle, eh?”

\--

Ezra checked in on Crowley an hour later to find them face down and wrapped tightly in the fuzzy blanket the nurse provided.

“Crowley?” There’s a mumble that is lost in the pillow. Ezra giggles.

“You’re not asleep are you?” The pile of hair lifts a little.

“No, so fight me.” They collapse back down. Ezra sits down on the edge of the bed.

“Oh no. I could never. You most certainly would win.” The fuzz pile gave a little wiggle and he was rewarded with one golden eye from beneath the edge of a face mask. They looked an absolute mess and Ezra was delighted.

“Ngk, nah, you could take me. Probably.” Ezra chuckled.

“If you say so, my dear.”

\--

The head nurse on shift that day, Marjorie Potts, or Tracy to most of the nurses in her charge, watched as Nurse Ezra walked out of room 3 once again with a soft smile on his cherubic face.

Ezra almost ran straight into her.

“Oh! Tracy. I am terribly sorry, madam, I’m a bit distracted today I suppose.” Tracy reached out to pat his cheek as Ezra fiddled with the edge of his scrubs.

“Oh don’t you worry about that, love. I think there’s something more important we need to be talking about, hm?” Ezra looked at her, confused. Had he missed a meeting or a call?

“Don’t give me that look, Ezra. You have been going in and out of that room all morning in between your other patients when you definitely didn’t need to.” He looked frightened now.

“Oh, Lord, I’m so sorry I will stop this instant and go on with my other duties I-”

“Oh hush, darling. You know I’m not such a stickler for these things.” She took one of his hands in hers. Ezra noticed that her garish eyeshadow was a vivid purple today. Her usual eccentricities and the gentle touch relaxed him. She smiled.

“There’s a love. So. You should give your young man-”

“Person,” Ezra corrected automatically. Tracy took it in stride.

“-your young person your number.” Ezra pulled his hand away in shock.

“Tracy! They are my patient! I can’t just go around-”

“Ah but they won’t be your patient for much longer. They are getting discharged as soon as the doctor signs off. Should be soon, yes?”

“Oh. I-I suppose that if they aren’t my patient. Then there’s nothing against it r-right? Well. I’ll be damned.” Tracy congratulated herself on a job well done.

“But wait a moment!” Ah, spoke too soon. “They might not even be interested. In me or men at all! I’m not exactly the best looking man as it is.” He looked like this was a well known fact.

“Oh, that is frankly bullshit.”

“Madam!” Tracy rolled her eyes.

“Ezra they call you ‘angel.’”

“The concussion-”

“Not one more word young man. You stop that nonsense and go give them your number.” Ezra still looked hesitant but nodded. Victory.

“Very good. Off you pop.”

\--

Ezra gingerly helds the cardboard coffee cup with both hands. It wasn’t the best cup of coffee in the world but it would do. Oh he hoped Crowley would call. They were so handsome and adorable and witty. It wasn’t often that Ezra felt this interested in someone and he hoped Tracy was right.

The nurse entered room 3 just as Crowley was pulling their shoes on. Just in time then.

“Hello, Crowley.” They quickly looked behind them from where they were standing at the side of the bed and grinned at him. They were wearing stylish sunglasses now, hiding their eyes. Pity.

“Hiyah, Angel!” Ezra shakily put the coffee down on the little tray table near his side of the bed.

“I, um, brought you some ‘real’ coffee before you go. As requested.” Turning fully around now, Crowley gaped at the nurse.

“You. You remembered that? I wasn’t even- Ngk. Thank you, Ezra.”

Chuffed, Ezra gave them one last shining smile.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Anthony Crowley. I hope you never have to come here again.”

Giving an uncharacteristic wink, Ezra Fell returned to his job.

Lord, why did he do that? He probably looked ridiculous. He hoped Crowley called regardless.

\--

Crowley ached. Oh they were so fucked. Their stupid arse didn’t even get up the stones to ask for the angel’s number. Oh well. Maybe they’ll break their arm next week and try to win nurse roulette. Crowley snagged the coffee and was about to take a drink when something caught their eye on the side of it. Frowning, they rotated it and found it was black marker in elegant handwriting:

_Still open to that fight, my dear?_  
_-Angel xxx-xxx-xxx_

The angel’s number. They had the angel’s number! They quickly pulled out their phone and entered the number before they lost it. They took a picture of the cup for good measure. No way were they going to let this pass them by.

Grinning like a madman, Crowley shot off a text and made his way out of room 3.

_hey angel its crowley_  
_as a matter of fact i am more than_  
_open to it._  
_fancy a bite sometime?_

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if anyone wants a smutty sequel//


End file.
